i am at the end. i do not know what to do anymore. how to react? where to go for help. i am stuck in this deep shit and cannot breathe.
i have ups and downs in my life. normally... who did not, right? i had times that i thought i cannot succeed, thta i am loser in all things. that i am stupid, that i am fat ....all these times i found a way to fight. all these times there were a way out from desperation, black feeling. you know lots of songs say i'm blue.. now i understand why i say i am black. this is worse...

if it had happened to me, i would have my way on it. but now it is happening to the one i love. and i cannot help. do not say there are options, there is hope etc. i know it. still i know there is hope. but somebody's feelings is not your field of action. only the owner of the blackness can help himself out. yes he can help himself out from this. he could be better. but how could i tell it ? how many different ways are there, to tell you could do this, you can fight back to this blackness feeling, the feeeling of losing everything, being the one to blame ,being the guilty one...you are not guilty my one. you are living. just hope that you receognize it someday.
i do not know if i could be with you that day. or you will live that day. hope you will and hope we will be together. you ask whether i am bored of you each day. i am saying no, and i am not. but i hope you have more faith on yourself